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Blog - Confession: I like my shoes

August 5, 2009

A couple weeks ago, a colleague emailed this quick blog to me asking why men in the not-for-profit sector wear bad shoes. I didn’t realize women looked at my feet. It turns out they do. And they’re being judged! For the record, I like my shoes. Not that I have a lot. And also, for the record, my colleague claimed she had never noticed my shoes.

I’ve worked in the sector since 1995 (I’ve been volunteering pretty regularly since I was 9) and I’ve made a few observations about working in a predominantly female field.

1. I know more about menopause than pretty much any other male on the planet.
2. Lineups for the bathroom at conferences and meetings are pretty darned short.
3. I get singled out as “the guy” in group settings. I get pegged as either a hero or an alien. Usually the latter.
4. I get picked on to do the oddest things and apparently it’s funny to watch me do things I’m uncomfortable doing. Anyone who has seen me in a drumming circle will attest to that.
5. Compared to my female colleagues, I really don’t do “hearts and stars and flowers and fluff”.
6. I can’t contribute anything useful to water cooler conversations.
7. I wouldn’t survive a single day without my sense of humour.

Frankly, I don’t care too much about what people think of my shoes. Sure, I need to look presentable as the situation calls for, and that can be accomplished many ways.

But what we’re really talking about here is nonverbal communication. You can judge me by my footwear if you really want to. Or my wrinkled suit when I have to dress up. Of course I leave an impression based on my physical appearance. Communication is pretty important in the sector, and (unfortunately, in my opinion) the nonverbals are as important as the verbals.

As another one of my colleagues so aptly put it, most men in small nonprofits also have to be plumbers, carpenters, electricians, painters, ladder-climbers, and the masters of “other duties as assigned”. At this point, I could probably write my ticket in any subtrade. So it seems I’m entitled to wear comfortable shoes… or some days… rubber boots.

But as I learned in a workshop a few months ago, there’s a far more important nonverbal message you can send. It’s not about shoe colour or hair style or mismatched ties. It’s not about hand gestures or bling or the strength of a handshake. You just have to answer the following question:

What colour are my eyes?

Posted by: Scott | In: IVC

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